i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
