the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
