he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
