You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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