I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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