He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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