I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Randomize
