After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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