Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
