I will die if light touches me.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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