I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
