weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
