i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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