It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
