Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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