he wants to bone in the snuggie
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
