She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize