google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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