You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
