Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
