whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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