ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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