You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
