How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
