had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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