I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
