yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
