i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
