is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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