im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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