Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You are the jesus of drinking
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
