I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
