I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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