i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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