Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
