Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
