Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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