i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
