Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
