Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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