i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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