She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
