I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
