The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize