No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
