he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize