Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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