im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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