omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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