Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he thought i was a dude.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
