I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
