hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
