I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
