Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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