ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
