She's JV to your varsity
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Holy shit dude........stairs
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
