So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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