I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
