My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
