Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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