If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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