you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
So squirting runs in the family.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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