i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Randomize