So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you would pick up someone in the library
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I intend to get homeless drunk
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
