I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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