1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
