You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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