I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
