My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize