I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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