Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
