bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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